對家庭婚姻而言，外遇既不是夫妻雙方所能預期，更難以預防，事件發生了，除讓彼此有機會去檢視婚姻中發生的問題！任何一方外遇，對另一半的配偶總會造成傷害。而我國傳統社會文化對妻子的期待，偏重於「家庭」的成就，或稱有責任感，因為社會對妻子的肯定，是來自於其家庭的幸福、丈夫的成就，而較少妻子自我的表現，一旦又有了子女，更會因母職而常受制於家庭、婚姻，所以當丈夫外遇時，顯然妻子會遭遇許多心理、社會衝突與困境。因此，妻子面對丈夫外遇之心路歷程及生活調適所面臨的婚姻品質與家庭壓力情形，為值得探究的課題。
本研究採用質性研究法中的深入訪談法，選取的對象為30到50歲的已婚女性，並盡量尋求彼此差異質性較大之受訪者，共邀請12位丈夫外遇之已婚女性參與訪談，著重蒐集資訊的豐富內涵與深度，以探討妻子面對丈夫外遇時婚姻關係、困境與衝突，以期深入了解妻子所面臨的問題，並探究其心理調適、走出悲傷及面對人生的歷程。訪談資料經歸類、分析，所得研究結果如下：
一、為保婚姻，妻子處境艱辛：因為妻子比較重視婚姻關係，且在父權婚姻處於相對的弱勢，所以才會在丈夫外遇後產生許多困境。
二、單方付出，丈夫依然故我：妻子甘之如飴在婚姻中不斷地為丈夫付出，為家庭犧牲，而卻没有關照自己。
三、付出較多，妻子婚姻弱勢：儘管妻子擁有工作、經濟獨立，但她們在心理上、情緒上都比較依賴丈夫，所以就容易使自己在婚姻關係中，屈從丈夫、處於次等地位。
四、價值內化，妻子以夫為貴：原生家庭父母親的教養，讓妻子甘心當個以夫為貴、為家庭犧牲奉獻的小女人。
五、妻子自責，承擔一切後果：妻子為了維繫關係、挽回丈夫，除了自責之外，也不敢找人傾訴，深怕事情公開，與丈夫關係無法回復，只能自己默默承受一切。
六、浴火重生，重整生活方式：當妻子發現已經無法挽回丈夫時，為了早日解脫，重整生活，讓自己有個新的未來，就是此時期妻子浴火重生的關鍵。
七、心灰意冷，轉而愛護自己：當妻子對丈夫心灰意冷、對夫妻關係澈底絶望時，她才會開始闗照自己的需要。
八、尋求幫助，提供情緒支持：妻子的社會支持主要來自朋友、家人與團體，也因為獲得這些社會支持，才有辦法度過危機，朝向更積極的人生邁進。
另根據本研究發現做以下建議：
一、人生苦短，妻宜慎思。
二、原諒丈夫，放過自己。
三、正面思考，快樂生活。
四、延續性愛，維持親密。
五、放眼未來，謊言勿聽。
六、善用資源，勇於求助。
七、健全家庭，培育孩子。
八、丈夫收心，體恤妻子。 / The growing trend of extramarital affair is becoming a world-wide phenomenon. When an extramarital affair occurs, the impact can be felt not just by the spouses, but also their children, workplace as well as their social circles. The tradition that women should play their role in the family still exists in current society, thus it is often viewed as a natural duty of women to bear children and take full responsibilities to raise the family. This trend would give the wife a sense of security; however, it strengthens women's dependence on men and weakens their sense of self-determination. In a case where the husband is having an extramarital affair, the wife often encounters a great deal of emotional and financial dilemmas in deciding what is in her best interests to do, especially if there are children involved.
This study adopts in-depth interview on 12 married women between 30~50 years old whose husbands have been indulged in extramarital affairs. The main purpose of this study is to investigate the marital relationships, the dilemmas, and the emotional conflicts these women experienced in responding to extramarital affairs. The results of this study are summarized as follows:
I. In traditional Chinese families where family structure is hierarchical, the husband generally has more authorities over the wife, which creates a variety of issues for the wife when the husband is having an extramarital affair.
II. Many wives would sacrifice themselves by giving up their pursuit of careers for the good of their families. These women may find themselves later faced with the difficult task of trying to begin or revive their lives
III. Although many wives have full time jobs and are financially independent, they are still emotionally dependent on their husbands.
VI. Influenced by traditional views, many wives would simply concentrate on taking care of their husbands and children and placing their hope fully on their husbands.
V. In a case where the husband has an extramarital affair, the wife would question her own competence as a wife and force herself to keep the matter undisclosed to save her husband’s reputation and for the fear that her intolerance would threaten their marriage.
VI. When the wife feels deeply disappointed about her marriage, she would start to realize her true values and fulfill her needs.
VII. When the wife discovers that her marriage can not be saved, she would replace herself in the priority.
VIII. Wives who suffered from extramarital affairs should seek help from other people. Proper psychological consultancy can serve as an effective way towards good mental health.
Suggestions:
I. It is important for the wife to understand that she is not alone and she is still a valuable person even though this has happened to her.
II. The wife should learn through time to forgive the husband and do what is best for the family.
III. The wife should learn how to deal with the resentments caused by extramarital affair and replace the negative thinking with positive affirmations
IV. Intimacy is one of the most essential forces that binds the spouses together. Both spouses should understand that making love is as important as love itself.
V. Both spouses should understand that divorce is not the only solution for extramarital affairs. The wife should take into consideration to rework on the marriage and save it for a better tomorrow.
VI. The wife should seek a counselor for psychological and emotional assistance. Once the trouble spots in the relationship are found, both can begin to take actions and try to resolve the issues.
VII. Both spouses need to understand that their children need both parents to develop at various stages of their lives.
VIII. The husband should stop seeing the lover and understand that affection and companionship may be some of the most important emotional supports the wife needs to recover from his affair.
| Identifer | oai:union.ndltd.org:CHENGCHI/G0096921076 |
| Creators | 江程碧鴻 |
| Publisher | 國立政治大學 |
| Source Sets | National Chengchi University Libraries |
| Language | 中文 |
| Detected Language | English |
| Type | text |
| Rights | Copyright © nccu library on behalf of the copyright holders |
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