This thesis comprises an exploration of the plant commonly known as plantain, or Plantago major, through participant observation of an apprenticeship in traditional western herbalism in the Ottawa region of Ontario, Canada. The first section delves into ideas and manifestations of “weediness” and “invasion”, while offering medicinal/ herbalist views of such plants as a kind of counterpoint. This touches on learning to garden, soil, lawns, plantations, invasive species, protests, and extrajudicial police killings among other topics. The following section, “horror in the hedge”, takes us first on an “herb walk” in Ottawa’s Experimental farm before moving on to a discussion of medicinal understory plants and Plantain alongside hedgerows, witch trials, plagues of Covid-19 and vibration in healing. From here the final section discusses medicine, delving first into the darker side of things as they manifest in the realm of medicinal mushrooms, again touching on the over-harvesting of medicinals, and the discoveries of supposed messiahs. Following is an exploration of how herbalists see continuity between the terrain of the human body and the land, returning again to the “herb walk” as a pedagogic mode utilized by herbalists. Finally, this work is summed up by an exploration of herbal formulation and medicine making, of the Anglo-Saxon Nine Herb’s Charm and the potent power of the triad. Drawing on Plantain as a kind of talisman, and structured after the Lacnunga’s Nine Herb’s charm, this work is an anthropological invocation of animist traditions emerging from Europe. To these ends, the works of Anna Tsing, Tim Ingold, Robin Wall Kimmerer, Gilles Deleuze, Felix Guatarri, Donna Haraway, Michael Taussig, Silvia Federici, David Abram, and Victor Turner, among many others, underpin the theoretical framework of this project.