The loss of intimacy is a pervasive tale, felt especially poignantly when the particular story, with its plot lines of love and betrayal, soaked as they are in rage and grief, is my own. By inverting the research process, whereby I call upon friends, and strangers who become friends, to assist me in the meaning-making process, this autoethnographic account of the twenty year downward spiral of my now defunct marriage makes tangible the shared project of making sense of intimacy, love and loss. It connects the personal to the social, cultural, and (most especially) the politically gendered nature of heterosexual relationship experience. It speaks of the process that makes it possible for me to tell my story and of the ethical tensions involved in telling a story of