本文為一位幼師所書寫的生命敘說，這份「說」的起點來自於家庭造就的傷痕，研究者與家庭之間產生了心理距離。面對這個心理距離，研究者採取逃離的應對姿態，而此一姿態同樣出現在往後面對工作與愛情之中的挫敗。然而，隨著2012年家庭重大事件的爆發，研究者萌生了想要突破與家庭間心理距離的意念，走上回家的道路。整體而言，研究者藉由自我書寫、閱讀、參與敘說團體討論、聽生命中重要他人的故事，重新梳理對自身的認識，產生了能夠回家的力量。研究者發現家庭、工作與愛情之中的挫敗與傷來自於自身對三者存有既定的理想圖像，當現實發生的事件與理想有所落差時，產生個人內在衝突以及對他者的不諒解。隨著此一對自我與他者的認識與再理解，研究者進入了一段自我療癒的旅程，覺察自我與他者之間存在著愛的力量。因著這份愛，研究者不僅與自己及重要他者和解，治癒了生命議題的種種傷，同時也進一步產生了個人行動意向的轉變，從原本的逃離姿態轉變為自我的主動承擔，最終能夠以家作為新的生命旅程的起點。 / This is a story told by a kindergarten teacher growing up in a well-off family and leading a seemingly ‘smooth’ life. Two storylines mapped out the narratives. One is her family of origin; the other is her journey of becoming a teacher. Not having been through many difficulties in her life, the researcher/narrator found herself helpless and at loss in the face of unexpected life events. She had always been an obedient child who studied hard to meet the expectation of her mother, who wanted her to be a teacher. As she actually stepped into the workplace, however, she gave up on the opportunity of public schools and instead, ‘took the road less traveled by’. Wandering around in search of the ideal Education, she found herself losing the strength to be a teacher ever again.
Family is my starting point. Confronted with the ‘ripping’ of my family, I found self-cure in this destruction. I traced back to my childhood for the absence of my father and the loss of family. Through writing, storytelling and interviews, I reorganized myself and, by understanding multiple perspectives, re-examined the significant others in my life.
There are always blind spots in the writing and retelling of the story. Therefore, my readers became the critical eyes which enabled me to recognize the unrecognizable self. In the process of writing and ‘being read’, the self-exploring conversation and debate has become an eye-opening experience. It turned out that, when I am looking at other people, I have only been seeing myself.
| Identifer | oai:union.ndltd.org:CHENGCHI/G0103157011 |
| Creators | 陳苡佩, Chen, Yi Pei |
| Publisher | 國立政治大學 |
| Source Sets | National Chengchi University Libraries |
| Language | 中文 |
| Detected Language | English |
| Type | text |
| Rights | Copyright © nccu library on behalf of the copyright holders |
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