There is a divide between the fields of Conflict Resolution (CR) and Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) that impacts on the transfer of knowledge and skills. This is the central hypothesis investigated and confirmed through analysis of the literatures of the two fields, the responses to a questionnaire to practitioners, and autoethnographic interrogation. A generational analysis of authors is combined with the results of a (N=28) questionnaire with practitioners from both fields. This delineates the divide in the theory and literature as well as how those operating in each field identify, conceptualise mediation and what they read. The autoethnography explores the fundamental impact of on conflict role definitions generally and the mediator specifically. It then looks at the impact of crossing the ADR/CR divide on mediation practice, highlighting the necessity for practitioners of a ‘both and’ approach to skills/ knowledge and attitude/qualities. This leads to the consideration of a framework for mediator competence across the ADR/CR divide. The interaction of the mediators’ normative project and the ability of parties to self-determine is explored practically and ethically. This highlights a range of issues with expectations mediation and mediators and foregrounds the impact on the mediator of the mediator role. It ends with a call for further research using innovative methodologies, such as autoethnography, that illuminate mediation as a relational process.