People hold images of themselves, of their ideal partner, and of the ideal relationship (Simpson, Fletcher, & Campbell, 2001). The present study examined Perceived Meta-Ideals (PMI): people’s conceptions of who they think their partners want them to be, whereas Perceived Meta-Ideal Similarity (PMIS) is how close individuals feel they are to their PMI. 143 dyads in a romantic relationship were randomly assigned to one of three experimental conditions: primed similar/dissimilar to the PMI, and no prime control. Individuals higher in self-esteem (HSEs) reported higher PMIS than individuals lower in self-esteem (LSEs). Higher PMIS lead to an overestimation of the amount of positive qualities that the partner is looking for. HSEs were more satisfied in their relationship and reported a greater self-other overlap, and higher PMIS predicted relationship satisfaction. Finally, self-other overlap mediated the relationship between PMIS and the desire to become the PMI.

People hold images of themselves, of their ideal partner, and of the ideal relationship (Simpson, Fletcher, & Campbell, 2001). The present study examined Perceived Meta-Ideals (PMI): people’s conceptions of who they think their partners want them to be, whereas Perceived Meta-Ideal Similarity (PMIS) is how close individuals feel they are to their PMI. 143 dyads in a romantic relationship were randomly assigned to one of three experimental conditions: primed similar/dissimilar to the PMI, and no prime control. Individuals higher in self-esteem (HSEs) reported higher PMIS than individuals lower in self-esteem (LSEs). Higher PMIS lead to an overestimation of the amount of positive qualities that the partner is looking for. HSEs were more satisfied in their relationship and reported a greater self-other overlap, and higher PMIS predicted relationship satisfaction. Finally, self-other overlap mediated the relationship between PMIS and the desire to become the PMI.

This study examines psychological distress and relationship satisfaction in cancer patients and their partners. It is widely recognized that spouses coping with a cancer diagnosis are at risk of psychological distress, and changes in relationship satisfaction. Debate exists within the literature regarding the level of distress and satisfaction experienced by patients, and to what extent they are influenced by their partners. Twenty six couples coping with a breast or prostate cancer diagnosis, completed two questionnaires over six months assessing: psychological distress, relationship satisfaction, attachment style, self -esteem and matching of partner ideal standards. The cross-sectional results indicate that higher patient distress was associated with their own lower levels of self esteem, less secure, and more anxious attachment styles. Patient relationship satisfaction was increased in those with a less anxious attachment style and in patients who perceived their partner as matching more closely their own ideal standards and perceptions of the patients on vitality and attractiveness. Longitudinal results show an increase in patient distress was also predicted by their partner’s perceiving lower matching between their own ideal standards and perceptions of the patients on warmth and trustworthiness. Unexpectedly, higher relationship satisfaction over time, was also predicted by lower matching of their own ideal standards and perceptions of their partners on warmth and trustworthiness, as measured initially. An increase in patient satisfaction was also predicted over time when patient distress was low, self esteem high and they had higher matching between their own ideal standards and partner perceptions of the patient partner on both warmth and trustworthiness as well as vitality and attractiveness. Explanations for the results, together with clinical and research implications are discussed.