This creative personal essay examines the long-term effects of surviving a friend's adolescent suicide. The piece begins with the story of the narrator's suicide loss, and subsequently follows her on a quest to understand her grief. She explores cultural perceptions of suicide in America, such as the dialogue around suicide, suicide prevention objectives, the suicide survivor experience, suicide tourism, and media responses to suicide--all reflecting her relationship to the subject. In the end, the narrator returns to the place where her quest began, carrying the wisdom she has gleaned from her inquiries.