Undergraduate honors paper--Mount Holyoke College, 2009. Dept. of English. / Includes bibliographical references (leaves 99-100).

M.A. / The Nice Guy Paradox is a provocative perception that is commonly expressed within society and the mass media. According to this perception, nice guys are less successful in their relationships with women than other men. The Nice Guy Paradox causes much frustration and confusion for self-proclaimed nice guys. In addition, the implications of this perception may negatively influence the way in which men relate to women. For instance, the Nice Guy Paradox implies that if men want to be successful with women, they should not be nice guys. In the last 15 years, a few psychological studies have opted to focus on the Nice Guy Paradox. These studies are almost all quantitative in nature. In fact, a literature search only found one small qualitative study devoted to this topic. Most of the existing research on the Nice Guy Paradox attempts to answer the question “Do nice guys really finish last?” in the absence of exploratory research aimed at better understanding this perception. For this reason, most existing research on the Nice Guy Paradox can be argued to be somewhat presumptuous and its usefulness in trying to understand this phenomenon is questionable. In an attempt to compensate for the shortcomings of existing research on the Nice Guy Paradox, this study endeavors to capture the unique experience of this social phenomenon through the utilization of a phenomenological method of inquiry. In this way, this research attempts to yield a fresh and foundational understanding of the Nice Guy Paradox. Three female university students were sourced and interviewed for the purposes of this study. These participants had all had relationship experience, as well as experience of the Nice Guy Paradox at the time of the interviews. In order to obtain optimally rudimentary experiences of the Nice Guy Paradox, open-ended interviews were conducted. The interviews were transcribed verbatim and non-verbal cues were indicated where necessary. These transcriptions constitute the raw data of the study. They were analyzed using a specific phenomenological, stepwise method. The data analysis produced central themes that were discussed in relation to literature findings in order to consolidate their validity and to position the findings of this study in relation to existing theory and research. On the basis of these central themes, an essential structure of the participants’ experiences of the Nice Guy Paradox was synthesized. According to this structure, the nice guys referred to by the Nice Guy Paradox characteristically lack confidence, try too hard to please women and are submissive in relationships. These men are mistreated and rejected by women for the following reasons. Firstly, nice guys allow themselves to be mistreated because of their submissive tendencies. Secondly, relationships with these men are not challenging and exciting. Thirdly, women find nice guy characteristics irritating and frustrating. Fourthly, nice guys lack certain characteristics including dominance, strength, physical attractiveness, confidence, leadership and social status, which women find attractive. Also according to this structure, the Nice Guy Paradox applies more strongly to younger people than older people. In addition, niceness in isolation is a desirable trait in a man. However, the other nice guy characteristics are unattractive to women. This research holds value since it constitutes the first comprehensive phenomenological, insight-orientated study on the Nice Guy Paradox. On the basis of the new understanding that this study yields, recommendations with regard to practical application have been put forward. In addition, suggestions for future research have been provided.

“The power of sex to dominate and the ability of power to obtain sex in order to dominate” is at the crux of the researchers’ investigation. The researcher problematizes the usage of power for the attainment of sexual favours. At the heart of this research is the question, what is at the root of the exploitation and “sexifying” of power by either the granter or the recipients of sexual favours. The researcher utilises various lenses in exploring the research problem. Such lenses include a social lens which zooms in at the social power possessed by men over women in society and a theological lens which zooms in on the domination of men over women in scripture. In an attempt to explore the subject at hand, the author explores the role of patriarchy, unequal opportunities between men and women and poverty as some of the primary proponents for those who offer themselves as sex objects to those in power. In most cases, it is women who are at the suffering end of poverty; it is also women who are forced to use their bodies for sex, this, therefore, means that women are doubly oppressed. Part of the socialised “sexual oppression” of women is the notion that women were created for marriage, work, labour and the pleasure of men. Anthropologically, men and women are the crown of creation and are worthy of dignity. It is, therefore, a necessity for women to reclaim their dignity. The researcher is aware of the complex nature of sex which varies from negative to positive experiences depending on the individual. In a society that views sex as a commodity and is permissive in its perception of sex, in a society that has a high rate of pornography, swinging and swapping. The researcher probes the “humanising” of sex so that it is not just a physical activity but an intimate act of love and affection. The principles for the above involves viewing sex as personal and relational; sex as exclusive and unique; sex as fruitful and productive; sex and selfless and sacrificial and an acknowledgement of sex as multi-dimensional. Though the writer comes from a religious background and is the Wesleyan tradition, though she converses with a faith community in Eersterust as part of her quantitative research; she does not evade confronting the reality of the bible as a document flawed with patriarchy, clothed in culture and set in a particular context. The author who is Wesleyan draws from this rich heritage and compares the times of John Wesley which were characterised by, “Champagne, dice or a neighbour’s spouse” to the South African context. She utilises the Wesleyan quadrilateral to draw these parallels. All these findings led the author to the conclusion that conversations, training, safe space and capacitating of those in power, those abusing power, those attracted to power must be held for the restoration of human dignity with particular reference to women. The church remains a powerful and efficient platform for the above. The Church can no longer evade her role in rectifying the damage caused by patriarchy as assumedly condoned by the bible. The church can no longer evader her role in the restoration of human dignity. / Philosophy, Practical and Systematic Theology / M. Th. (Systematic Theology)