no / Drawing on a 2011 national survey and 50 semi-structured interviews, we explore the differing ways in which those in living apart together (LAT) relationships discuss and experience notions of commitment. We found that sexual exclusivity in LAT relationships is expected by the large majority, regardless of their reasons for living apart. The majority of the interviewees also expressed a high degree of commitment to their partner in terms of love, care and intimacy, alongside an appreciation of the increased freedom and autonomy that living apart has to offer. Respondents were divided into four groups according to their perceived commitment: 1. Autonomous commitment, 2. Contingent commitment, 3. Ambivalent commitment, and 4. Limited commitment. Despite differing degrees of commitment, however, the overall finding was that the importance of relating and making relational decisions was central, even in the lives of those living in such unconventional relationship styles.

[pt] Esta pesquisa teve como objetivo geral investigar a vivência de homens e mulheres em casamentos concebidos como monogâmicos, no sentido da exclusividade sexual. Foi realizada uma pesquisa de natureza qualitativa, na qual foram entrevistados cinco homens e cinco mulheres cisgênero, casados ou em coabitação, em relação heteroafetiva e sem filhos. Para análise dos resultados, foi utilizado o método de análise de conteúdo em sua vertente categorial-temática. Com base na análise dos dados coletados, emergiram cinco categorias principais e uma subcategoria. São elas: Pilares da conjugalidade; Sexo no casamento; Exclusividade sexual na conjugalidade; Infidelidade conjugal: quando a exclusividade é rompida; e Concepções sobre relações não-monogâmicas consensuais. A categoria Exclusividade sexual na conjugalidade foi desdobrada na subcategoria Dissociação entre sexo e afetos. Os resultados apontam que o acordo de exclusividade sexual está relacionado à busca de segurança emocional e de estabilidade conjugal, sendo a exclusividade afetiva mais valorizada do que a sexual. Insatisfação no casamento e desejo de realizar fantasias sexuais foram apontados como principais fatores preditores de infidelidade conjugal, a qual foi definida como ruptura do que foi acordado entre os membros do casal. As relações não-monogâmicas, que não exigem exclusividade de modo consensual, são pouco conhecidas e consideradas complexas pelos entrevistados. Conclui-se que o acordo de exclusividade sexual é assumido implicitamente e raramente abordado pelos cônjuges. / [en] This research aimed to investigate the experience of men and women in marriages conceived as monogamous, in the sense of sexual exclusivity. A qualitative research was carried out, in which five men and five women were interviewed, married or in cohabitation, in a hetero-affective relationship and without children. To analyze the results, the content analysis method was used in its categorical-thematic aspect. Based on the analysis of the data collected, five main categories and one subcategory emerged. They are: Pillars of conjugality; Sex in marriage; Sexual exclusivity in conjugality; Marital infidelity: when exclusivity is broken; and Conceptions about non monogamous consensual relationships. The category Sexual exclusivity in conjugality was divided into the subcategory Dissociation between sex and affections. The results indicate that the sexual exclusivity agreement is related to the search for emotional security and marital stability, with affective exclusivity being more valued than sexual exclusivity. Dissatisfaction in marriage and the desire to fulfill sexual fantasies were identified as the main predictors of marital infidelity, which was defined as a breach of what was agreed between the members of the couple. Non-monogamous relationships, which do not require exclusivity in a consensual way, are unfamiliar and considered complex by the interviewees. It is concluded that the sexual exclusivity agreement is implicitly assumed and rarely discussed by the spouses.

Bibliography: leaves 235-261 / Queer studies have not adequately considered gay men seeking sexual exclusivity within longterm relationships. In contrast, the emphasis has been on understanding evolving queer norms. Homonormativity has been informing sexual permissiveness. In accordance, and contrasting gay men seeking sexual exclusivity, gay, male couples tended to use relationship agreements to stipulate guidelines for extradyadic sex. This study was inspired by my inability—as a counsellor of gay men seeking sexual exclusivity—to provide them with credible insights to better understand their goals. Representing an initial step in generating practical knowledge, it was anticipated that my counselling clients could benefit from an exploration of lived experiences rather than having to rely on theoretical inferences and opinions. “How” and “why” participants maintained sexual exclusivity were the main targets of discovery. Eleven gay, Canadian men aged thirty-three and older, in relationships of five years or longer, participated in semistructured interviews in-person or via video chat. Using Kleiman’s (2004) protocol for phenomenological analysis, common units of meaning were coded, from interview responses, so that distinct subthemes, contributing to six themes, were identified. These findings included content concerning “seeking positive affects,” “avoiding negative affects,” “factors supporting sexual exclusivity,” “threats to sexual exclusivity,” “rigidity in beliefs,” and “decision-making toward sexual exclusivity.” The first two themes integrated innately to form a meta-theme, “emotional optimization.” An essential insight into how participants maintained sexual exclusivity was their awareness of, and restraint in using, sexually tantalizing, visual stimuli, which was the primary risk to sexual exclusivity. Suggestions for gay men desiring sexual exclusivity included discontinued utility of pornography and cybersex. Varied implications for prospective research, clinical practice and support groups were delineated. / Psychology / D. Phil. (Psychology)