本論文以自我敘說的方式探索生命經驗，呈現我如何在與創傷的關係中，那種無法解決痛苦的痛苦中，一步步地幫助自己從幻幕到真實。在這樣的歷程中，學習如何在信任與不信任關係中苦苦掙扎，冒險敞開自己的心，努力學習與他人「分享」脆弱與羞愧，學習向外尋求支持與幫助。同時，對內，則很努力地修復與自己疏遠的關係，學習當個我想成為的好媽媽，傾聽我內在小孩的需求。 我的歷程，並非直線性地一步步從幻幕走向真實，而是在虛幻與真實間、在遺棄與接觸內在孩童間不斷來來回回，緩慢螺旋向下的歷程。最終，成人的我，帶著害怕關係斷裂的恐懼、因照顧自己而產生的罪惡感，仍願意為了我的內在小孩，採取行動照顧她的需求，維護自己的界限，讓內在小孩在這過程中，經驗到自己的價值。進而承諾自己，不再遺棄我的內在小孩。希望我的經歷，能夠對與我有類似經歷的人有幫助、能夠讓諮商師對這類型的個案有更深的理解。 在我往內走向真實的歷程中，我同時身為實習諮商心理師，我不只接受諮商與治療，我也在諮商、治療別人，同時，我也在接受督導，督導象徵權威，我也在處理我與權威間的關係，我們彼此間的議題，都會互相碰撞影響。有時候，我的議題會影響我諮商個案，尤其當我身為新手治療師，對自己有很高的期望，當我看到自己還過不去的議題影響到諮商時，我也會對自己又氣又急可又很無奈，也曾因此懷疑過自己是否適合當個諮商師。可是慢慢地，我開始接納自己的狀態、接納自己也是個人，不是個完美的諮商師，當我對自己有愈多接納跟允許時，我也對個案有更多的涵容，希望我的經歷能對其他實務工作者能夠有所助益。 / This thesis explored life experience of the author, presented how the author overcame the trauma and marched forward to the real from illusion by self-narrative process. In the process of recovering, I learned how to make balance when struggling in the relationship of believing and unbelieving, open my mind to others, share the vulnerable and shame and ask for help. At the same time, from the inside of my heart, the cold and detached relationship to the inner child was gradually rebuilt and a good-enough-mother who was able to listen to the needs of inner child was formed. The process of the recovering was not straightly going from illusion to real but moving back and forth between the illusion and real, and the abandon and contact inner child, again, again, and again. Finally, the adult part of me overcame the fear of broken relationship and the guilty of taking care of myself to care for the needs of inner child and establish the boundary between me and others. The inner child experienced the self-value in this process. Moreover, a promise for not abandoning the inner child again was established firmly by the adult. As the process of going to real, I was both a client and an intern counselor; besides, I was supervised. The supervisor symbolized the authority; therefore, I was also dealing with the authority issue. The issue between me and the authority also influence both of us. Sometimes, my issue also influenced my clients, especially when I was a freshman who had high expectation to herself. When the issue that was not yet been overcome effected the counseling, I was mad and disappointed at myself. Step by step, in the processing of recovery, I started to accept that situation and accept that I was also a human and an imperfect counselor. With the increasing acceptance, I contained my clients more. I hope my experience may be able help the client who had the same experience and help the counselor to understand the client deeply.

本研究旨在探討全職實習諮商心理師的全職實習適應歷程與發展的適應平衡機制，分析影響實習適應的可能影響因子，以及討論國內目前實習制度的現況。本研究以質性研究方法探究全職實習領域，以半結構式訪談蒐集研究資料，共訪談四位符合研究選取標準之全職實習諮商心理師，訪談後經分析整理，並綜合歸納探討四位研究參與者訪談資料的異同，研究結果呈現研究結論如下： 一、個別主題與階段呈現如下： （一）自我懷疑與自我成長的循環 準備期→初入實習場域→累到快死掉→挑戰→burn out→平衡機制→痛苦與成長相伴 （二）打破魔咒，長出自我的樣子 挫折經驗-產生魔咒→補強→魔咒禁錮-用力實習→挑戰→安定的力量→長出自我 （三）成為一個人 經驗分享→進入機構→磨合→衝突→適應機制→成長 （四）把自己縮小得以倖存的過程 自有適合自己的地方→格格不入→痛苦→拯救自己→平衡機制→反思 二、影響全職實習適應歷程之可能影響因素包含「實習環境」、「專業工作」、「生活面向」、「個人實習中的狀態」、「正向支持」等五個層面。 三、針對國內諮商實習現況的討論 （一）專業訓練課程中缺乏對自我照顧的重視 （二）對實習制度的反思 最後，本研究依照上述研究結果進行討論，並提出進一步的建議，以供未來全職實習諮商心理師、諮商養成訓練與外來研究作為參考。

本研究主要目的為探討實習諮商心理師的工作壓力、自我照顧重視知覺及自我照顧行為之間的關係。諮商心理師是個工作壓力特殊的行業，需要自我照顧來調節自己的工作壓力及維持專業服務的品質，而實習生是此工作的新手，對於其自我照顧狀態更需被關注。然而國外文獻中指出心理師有自我照顧不足的趨勢，在這樣的長期工作壓力及照顧不足的狀況下，容易令其陷入耗竭、同理疲乏等損傷的狀況。研究者認為若要增加諮商心理師的自我照顧能力或行為，在學習階段將自我照顧的概念或行為放入教育單位或實習單位的訓練中，讓實習諮商心理師知覺到其對自我照顧是重視的，應有助於諮商心理師執行自我照顧行為，此種知覺重視度的概念，稱為自我照顧重視知覺。然而國外的研究報告指出教育單位或實習單位並沒有積極提供自我照顧的相關課程或訓練，國內亦沒有探討實習諮商心理師知覺教育訓練單位對於自我照顧重視度的研究，且有關實習生的自我照顧研究亦不多，因此本研究欲探討此主題。研究者以問卷調查方式收集國內143位全職實習諮商心理師的資料，進一步以差異分析、相關分析及階層迴歸分析等統計方法來了解其現況及工作壓力、自我照顧重視知覺及自我照顧行為三者間的變項關係。 本研究結果指出:1.實習諮商心理師在實習期間有低程度的工作壓力，其中較高的是「專業角色壓力」以及「與督導有關的壓力」，而自我照顧重視知覺及自我照顧行為也皆為中等程度。2.實習於大專院校的實習諮商心理師，工作壓力顯著高於在高中/職及醫療院所實習的實習諮商心理師；另外大學畢業於心理相關科系及非相關科系的實習諮商心理師，其工作壓力顯著高於大學畢業於心理諮商本科系的實習諮商心理師。3.實習諮商心理師的工作壓力與自我照顧重視知覺之間達顯著低度負相關，工作壓力與自我照顧行為達顯著低度負相關，自我照顧重視知覺與自我照顧行為達顯著中度正相關。4.工作壓力在自我照顧重視知覺與自我照顧行為關係中具調節效果。研究者根據上述研究結果進行討論並對實務及未來研究提出建議。 / This study examined the relation between work-stress, perceptions of self-care emphasis, and self-care behavior among a convenience sample of 143 counseling psychology graduate students. Specifically, this study proposed that there would be a relation between graduate trainee’s perceptions of self-care emphasis and graduate trainee’s self-care behavior and that this relation would be modified by work-stress of the graduate trainee. A non-experimental designed examined the linear relations among the 3 variables, which were assessed by two measures modified by the authors (work-stress scale of陳俊任 (2012) and perceptions of self-care emphasis questionnaire of Goncher, Sherman, Barnett, & Haskins (2013)) and the self-care behavior scale of張吟慈 (2008). Results of this study showed that (1) graduate trainees had low level work-stress , moderate level perception of self-care emphasis , and moderate level self-care behaviors during internship , (2) The work-stress of graduate trainee intern in colleges is greater than in high school and in the hospital, and the work-stress of graduate trainees graduated from the department of non-psychology is greater than from the department of psychology , (3) there was a low level significant negative relation between work-stress and perceptions of self-care emphasis positive, a low level significant negative relation between work-stress and self-care behaviors, and a moderate level significant positive relation between perceptions of self-care emphasis and self-care behaviors, (4) The test for modification as outlined by Baron and Kenny (1986) demonstrated support by the survey data as perceptions of self-care emphasis was a positive predictor of self-care behaviors and that this relation was modified by work-stress. Implications for training programs are addressed, and recommendations for individual and systemic changes to promote a culture of self-care within graduate training in professional psychology are provided that should be helpful for promoting enhanced self-care behavior among psychology graduate students.