This paper discusses the issue of depersonalization and the subjective need for objectification and provides a means of understanding and developing a possible solution. Through the basic observation of an overlap between Behavioral Genetics, Neuroscience, Philosophy, Psychology, Physiognomy, the visual language and the artistic practice, one can begin to take note of the affects of our environments on an individualistic level. Through creative practice and the use of the visual language, one may develop an individualistic form of therapy. In recent years we have drifted away from the science of visual language and the basic aesthetic experience. The visual language and the basic aesthetic experience allow the depersonalized individual to engage in conversation and observation through an object of the visual language to the biological inner self as person. Through this conversation one may find comfort in the acknowledgment of the biological inner self as person from the other as person in hopes to subdue the subjective need for objectification. One may also gain a better understanding of the individualistic correlation between one's environment and one's biological inner self as person.

This action research project examines the researcher’s journey of establishing a therapeutic relationship with a child with autism spectrum disorder during her practicum. Children with ASD present difficulty in communication and social relationship skills. As a student in training with a limited experience, the researcher had uncertainty and low confidence with regard to her clinical and professional skills which affected her work. In this project, the researcher has examined her own process of music therapy with a child with ASD and shows how she was able to improve her practice and therefore establish meaningful and effective therapeutic relationships with this client population and obtain valuable learning through the training. The study was conducted at a dedicated therapy centre in New Zealand where the researcher was in placement. A total of seven, thirty-minute weekly individual music therapy sessions and four supervision sessions were employed. This process was adapted into the design of action cycles which involved the repeated process of planning, action and evaluation. In-depth analysis of the researcher’s work was carried out throughout the cycles, using clinical notes, journal excerpts, supervision notes and video recordings of the sessions. The findings suggest that the researcher was able to improve her practice while attempting to build a therapeutic relationship with the client. Various clinical and personal issues arose such as uncertainty about improvisation, and lack of confidence in professional skills including communicating with parents, which led to disjunction and burnout symptoms. Discussions in supervision aided in in-depth reflection of the researcher’s work as well as emotional support. The researcher could ultimately develop ‘internal supervisor’ and was able to use independent strategies to help develop her work. Implications for training include making personal therapy a compulsory course requirement, providing training on professional skills, and student support groups. Future research may investigate the effectiveness of verbal input in music therapy and the emotional stages of parents.

Inledning: Syftet med föreliggande studie var att undersöka psykoterapeuters personliga upplevelse av egenterapins påverkan på professionell utveckling under psykodynamiskt inriktad psykoterapeututbildning. Frågeställningar: Vilken roll spelar egenterapin för kunskapsinhämtandet under psykoterapeututbildningen? På vilket sätt påverkar egenterapin under utbildningen utvecklandet av psykoterapeutisk kompetens?  Metod: En kvalitativ, explorativ ansats med vetenskapsteoretisk grund i hermeneutiken användes. Data samlades in via semistrukturerade intervjuer och analyserades med induktiv, tematisk analys. Resultat: Egenterapi visade sig ha en positiv effekt på lärande och professionell utveckling genom att främja framväxten av en teori- och kunskapsbaserad professionell subjektivitet, en personligt grundad, professionell hållning. Det handlade om ett sätt att förhålla sig till och integrera teori i det kliniska arbetet och att på ett djupare plan kunna relatera till sina patienter. Viktiga delar i denna utveckling var delad erfarenhet, personlig påverkan och kunskapsintegration. Diskussion: Framväxt av professionell subjektivitet var en avgörande faktor när det gällde yrkesmässig utveckling för blivande psykoterapeuter. Att hitta och förhålla sig till sin egen subjektivitet var avgörande i processen att utveckla en personligt grundad, professionell hållning i det kliniska arbetet. / The aim of this study was to investigate psychodynamic psychotherapists' experiences of the influence of personal therapy on professional development during training with a focus on acquisition of knowledge and development of psychotherapeutic skills. Semi structured interviews were conducted with eight former students at two training institutes for psychodynamic psychotherapy. Thematic analysis was conducted on the material. Personal therapy was found to have a positive effect on learning and professional development by promoting the emergence of a theory and knowledge based professional subjectivity, a personally founded, professional attitude. Important elements of this development were shared experience, personal influence and knowledge integration. The emergence of professional subjectivity proved to be a vital factor in terms of professional advancement for future psychotherapists. Finding and relating to their own subjectivity was crucial in the process of developing a personally founded, professional attitude in clinical work.

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