基於單一文化之困境與美學意識之衰微，台灣另類教育在二元對立的邏輯運作下，常遭受負面的誤解或打壓，普羅大眾對於另類學校學生最常見的質疑便是：「以後要怎麼跟人家競爭？」、「如何考基測？」、「出去有辦法適應嗎？」，為探究另類學校學生的生活世界及其進入體制內學校的跨體制經驗，本篇論文嘗試以敘說探究開採夏天—一位華德福學校學生的生命故事，從而了解其學習世界的變遷及內在的適應歷程。研究發現，華德福學校具備自由、對話、創造之特徵，以即興的學校圖像作為陶養創造性人格之可能條件，促使夏天在面對基測和進入體制的衝突中展現出自我組織的生命樣態，而即興美學中的自由遊戲精神與複雜思維，不僅啟示了教育引發創造的本質，同時也為另類教育學提供更多元的定位基礎。 / Because of the conformity of culture and the lack of aesthetics, alternative education in Taiwan is usually misunderstood or suppressed in the logic of binary dualism. The most common questions to alternative schools’ students are “How do they compete with others in the future?”, “How do they prepare for the basic competence test?”, and “Are they able to adapt to the life outside?” To investigate the life world of an alternative school’s student, Summer, and her experience of transferring to normal school, narrative inquiry is adopted in this research to understand the changes of the learning environments and her state of mind. According to the conclusion, the Waldorf school contains the characters of freedom, dialogue, and creation. And its picture of improvisation provides Summer with possible conditions for developing creative personality. As a result, she shows the attitude of self-organization when facing conflicts in the cross-boarder process. In addition, improvisation’s spirit of free play and complex not only reveal the essence of education as creation, but also provide alternative education with more diverse orientation.

本論文以自我敘說的方式探索生命經驗，呈現我如何在與創傷的關係中，那種無法解決痛苦的痛苦中，一步步地幫助自己從幻幕到真實。在這樣的歷程中，學習如何在信任與不信任關係中苦苦掙扎，冒險敞開自己的心，努力學習與他人「分享」脆弱與羞愧，學習向外尋求支持與幫助。同時，對內，則很努力地修復與自己疏遠的關係，學習當個我想成為的好媽媽，傾聽我內在小孩的需求。 我的歷程，並非直線性地一步步從幻幕走向真實，而是在虛幻與真實間、在遺棄與接觸內在孩童間不斷來來回回，緩慢螺旋向下的歷程。最終，成人的我，帶著害怕關係斷裂的恐懼、因照顧自己而產生的罪惡感，仍願意為了我的內在小孩，採取行動照顧她的需求，維護自己的界限，讓內在小孩在這過程中，經驗到自己的價值。進而承諾自己，不再遺棄我的內在小孩。希望我的經歷，能夠對與我有類似經歷的人有幫助、能夠讓諮商師對這類型的個案有更深的理解。 在我往內走向真實的歷程中，我同時身為實習諮商心理師，我不只接受諮商與治療，我也在諮商、治療別人，同時，我也在接受督導，督導象徵權威，我也在處理我與權威間的關係，我們彼此間的議題，都會互相碰撞影響。有時候，我的議題會影響我諮商個案，尤其當我身為新手治療師，對自己有很高的期望，當我看到自己還過不去的議題影響到諮商時，我也會對自己又氣又急可又很無奈，也曾因此懷疑過自己是否適合當個諮商師。可是慢慢地，我開始接納自己的狀態、接納自己也是個人，不是個完美的諮商師，當我對自己有愈多接納跟允許時，我也對個案有更多的涵容，希望我的經歷能對其他實務工作者能夠有所助益。 / This thesis explored life experience of the author, presented how the author overcame the trauma and marched forward to the real from illusion by self-narrative process. In the process of recovering, I learned how to make balance when struggling in the relationship of believing and unbelieving, open my mind to others, share the vulnerable and shame and ask for help. At the same time, from the inside of my heart, the cold and detached relationship to the inner child was gradually rebuilt and a good-enough-mother who was able to listen to the needs of inner child was formed. The process of the recovering was not straightly going from illusion to real but moving back and forth between the illusion and real, and the abandon and contact inner child, again, again, and again. Finally, the adult part of me overcame the fear of broken relationship and the guilty of taking care of myself to care for the needs of inner child and establish the boundary between me and others. The inner child experienced the self-value in this process. Moreover, a promise for not abandoning the inner child again was established firmly by the adult. As the process of going to real, I was both a client and an intern counselor; besides, I was supervised. The supervisor symbolized the authority; therefore, I was also dealing with the authority issue. The issue between me and the authority also influence both of us. Sometimes, my issue also influenced my clients, especially when I was a freshman who had high expectation to herself. When the issue that was not yet been overcome effected the counseling, I was mad and disappointed at myself. Step by step, in the processing of recovery, I started to accept that situation and accept that I was also a human and an imperfect counselor. With the increasing acceptance, I contained my clients more. I hope my experience may be able help the client who had the same experience and help the counselor to understand the client deeply.

台灣面臨高齡化所帶來的問題日趨嚴重，就失能老人而言，家庭依然是老人最能接受的照顧方式，然而仍然有漸多的老人接受機構式照護。他們早年的生命經驗，如何影響晚年居住安排，最後又是何種因素使他們作出入住機構的決定；他們的感受為何亦是研究所關心的。 以此，本研究以質化研究的敘說分析進行，訪談了八位目前入住機構的失能老人，希望透過老人敘說自己過去的生命經驗，能深入探討他們早年累積的重要資源與晚年居住安排之關聯，並瞭解晚年居住的安排過程、最後入住機構的原因及入住後的適應狀況等。茲將結果摘述如下： 一、 早年生命歷程對晚年居住安排的影響 健康資源：這些老人早年是在物資缺乏的環境中成長，身體照顧極為忽視、受教育的機會亦不多，在先天條件不佳的情況下，他們沒有太多的機會為老年的生活提早進行規劃。 經濟資源：人力資本不足薪資所得偏低，使財富累積困難；而女性從事的無酬家務勞動、照顧者角色，更使女性居於經濟的弱勢地位。 家庭資源：養兒防老的觀念隨著時代改變、久病臥床等因素，越來越窒礙難行，子女數多不代表擁有的家庭資源多，親情依附、子女願意承擔照顧責任，才是老人真正擁有的資源。 二、 晚年居住安排的過程 老人晚年選擇居住安排的過程，符合「層級補償模式」，首先是配偶及子女、最後才是由正式的照顧服務提供，呈現一個有順序的過程。最末接受機構照護的原因因人而異，但就整體而論，老人的健康狀況與自我照顧程度，才是入住機構的主因。 三、 入住機構後的適應狀況 主動入住機構的失能老人，對機構的環境適應較佳，此與入住機構的意願、親情支持等，正向感受較多有關。被動入住的老人雖然心中不願，在缺乏掌控力的情況下，他們通常都認命地接受家人安排，但入住後較難以適應機構的生活。 / Past researches mostly focus on living arrangement of the healthy elders. Therefore, the study attends to emphasize on the relationship between housing and living arrangements of disabled elders and their life course. The samples include 8 elderly people (over 60 years old) living in the institution, and had difficulties performing in the ADL and IADL activities because of health or physical problems. As a result of the research, the purpose of this qualitative research include: (1) to research the connection between disabled elders living in the institution and the process of their early life; (2) to understand the proceeding of living arrangement for the disabled elders; (3) to discuss their point of view and subject explanations on the institutional care; (4) on according to research finding, the effective suggestions will be proposed, and some of them may as well be put on practice. The analysis in the content revealed the theme that emerged from narratives -- the health, family resources, especially economic factors in the early life will affect the later life in the way that diminishes choices and opportunities in arranging the elder’s living; the main reasons for the elders to be accepted into institutional care are their healthy status and their degrees of self-care; the elder who voluntarily move into the institution usually have better ability in adapting the passive ones. Although several meaningful findings are recognized, some limitations are also identified. Practice suggests and future research orientations are discussed.

本研究以自我參與、自我敘說的方式，呈現超個人心理治療中的奧修「神秘玫瑰」活動，對研究者本身帶來何種的生命經驗?而此經驗又對研究者產生何種影響? 透過自我敘說的研究取向，研究者感受到整個活動過程，就像是從「頭」到「心」的療癒—一步一步地展現出研究者的人際關係、欲望、人格特質、身心狀況，並慢慢地開始化解掉身、心的不舒服，而產生人際模式、行為的改變，也幫助研究者領悟到助人工作的原動力。除此之外，透過活動過程的臉部紀錄，研究者也看到自己較深的內在情緒狀態。 而在故事敘說後的分析中，研究者發現自己小時候的經驗，影響到目前的人際關係與工作、生活態度，並在活動中得到轉化，而產生了具體的改變。除此之外，在整體生命能量上，也產生流動或提昇，並體會到自我生命的富足，是助人工作的原點。 在反思的部份，區分成活動參與者與論文研究者，兩個不同的層次。在參與者部份，我發現自己的生命，其實是一直在對抗主流的心理學、精神醫學，以表達精神障礙者家人的不滿，卻忘了把這股力量，轉成正向的力量，來照顧好自己。在研究者部份，發現要透過語言傳達自己的經驗，其實是一件不容易的事，並看到東方智慧運用在助人工作的可行性。 在建議的部份，再依據本研究的結果，提出帶領類似「神秘玫瑰」活動的超個人心理治療團體，所需注意的事。 最後，在「對話」的部份，呈現出研究者參與不同靈修活動的經驗，與經驗間的對話；並透過「現在的我」來看到，活動心得領悟是對參與者的當下有益，而提醒讀者去經驗自己的生命禮物。 / The study is exploring the experience of the researcher participates the Osho Mystic Rose activity and what is the meaning of these life experiences.So the researcher will participate the group activity and narrates what he experiences. From the activity,the researcher feels that the process of the activity is a kind of therapy from head to heart.So the researcher can see clearly his relationship,desire,personality trait,and psycho-body situation.Then in the process of activity,the discomfort of psycho-body slowly disappears and the model of researcher’s relationship changes.The researcher also has an insight about the base of the work of helping others.The researcher also see the deeper emotion state from the record of the face pictures of the process of the activity. From the meta-story,the researcher finds that his childhood experience has influenced the present relationship,work,and the life’s attitude.And by participating the activity,the researcher’s state is changed and.the life energe is rising.Otherwise,the researcher is awaring that the helper’s blooming life is the root of the work of helping others. About the self-reflection of study,it can be discriminated two levels—participant and researcher.In the participant level,I find that I,the brother of psychotic handicap is against the dominant psychology and psychiatry to show the bitterness.But I forget to translate the opposed energy to positive energy to take care myself well.In the researcher level,I.find that it is difficult to use language to transmit experience to others,and maybe the east wisdom can be applied to the wok of helping others. In advice,the researcher suggested something important about leading the transpersonal psychotherapy group. It is that the group leader should construct the secure environment to let members exploring themselves freely and keep in touch with the present. Finally,the last part,Dialog,it shows and compares researcher’s experiences in different spirit-training groups.And from the point of view of being,the researcher’s insight from activity can not be fitted to others.

本研究旨在理解一位女性諮商師諮商性侵害加害人的經驗，包含個體主觀知覺的心理衝擊、調適與突破困境的歷程，以及此經驗對她的專業工作以及個人生活上的影響。 研究的開端，是由研究者到監獄觀察性侵害加害人團體所經驗到的心理衝擊出發，逐漸聚焦至關注女性諮商師與性侵加害個案工作的經驗。 本研究採用敘說研究方法，以「整體—內容」分析法將研究參與者「白菜」的工作經驗彙整成一篇故事，並進行後續的詮釋與討論。 從白菜的敘說中可以發現到，由於工作所帶來的碰撞，其個人內在的經驗可區分為兩大主題：「內在自我間的分裂與衝突」以及「在性侵害工作中所引發的性焦慮」，而白菜一直不斷努力地進行自我的接納與整合的調適。同時，在此調適過程中，也看見白菜在她的工作場域中進行著「外在性別角色的覺察與改變」的歷程。此外，本研究並以「諮商師的專業發展與成長」之軸線來討論白菜的經驗敘說，研究者看見一位女性諮商師投注在性侵害治療工作中，每當面臨到心理衝擊或「卡住」時，就不斷地向內反覆思索並向外尋求可幫助自己繼續前行的出口，然後再整合成新的觀點，回到實務工作或私人生活中嘗試突破，而這歷程是來來回回，循環不息地發生的。 研究之末，依循研究結論並綜合白菜所述及研究者個人的認識與體悟，對性侵害治療工作人員所需要的後續關懷，提出建議。而研究者也由自己身為一位研究者與一位諮商工作者的角色進行反思對話，研究者並體認到，研究的歷程其實也是一段貼近自己的歷程，接觸性侵害加害人，無論是對研究者或參與者來說，都開啟了對另一個世界的認識，這個經驗震盪了她們的生命信念，幫助她們看見了自己在「性」、「罪惡」和「犯罪」等議題上的限制，但也同時為她們指引了成長的方向。 / The purport of this study is to understand the experience of a female counselor who works with sex offenders, including the psychological impact that the individual has perceived subjectively, and her course of self-adjustment and breaking through the predicament, and furthermore these experiences influence her professional work and personal life. The beginning of this study is to describe the psychological impact that the researcher perceived while going to the jail for observing the group composed by sex offenders, and gradually to focus on the experience of the female counselor who counsels the sex offenders. The study adopts narrative research approach. The researcher wrote down the study participant's work experience as a story in the "holistic-content" analytic method, and then interpreted and discussed it. From the narrative of the study participant ,Cabbage, the researcher discovered that because of the conflict the work brought , her internal experience was divided into two themes：“internal division and conflict” and “sexual anxiety caused from the sex offenders treatment”. However, Cabbage engaged in the adjusting course of self-admittance and self-integration hard. At the same time, the researcher also observed that Cabbage went through “the awareness and change of the external sex role”. In addition, this study discusses the narrative of Cabbage with the axis of “professional development and growth of the counselor”. The researcher saw a female counselor working on the treatment of sex offenders, whenever suffered psychological impact or impasse, she considered inwards and looked for the method to continue going ahead, and integrated into a new viewpoint to get back to the practice work or the private life for trying to break through predicament. The course happened circularly. In the end of the study, relying on the conclusion of the study, the synthesis of Cabbage’s narrative and the researcher's personal understanding, the researcher proposed some suggestions to the demand of the people who work with sex offenders. The researcher also introspected from taking as a researcher and a counselor' roles, and realized that the study was actually a journey towards herself. The experience of getting along with sex offenders, no matter for the researcher or the participant, has opened another world. It shakes their life faith, but also helps them to see their own restriction on such topics as “the sex“, “the guilt” and “the crime”, etc., as well as guided them the direction of growing up.

目前台灣迎娶外籍配偶現象日益增加，「外籍配偶」一詞已成為台灣另一個新興族群的代稱。然多數外籍配偶在低社經地位的處境，加上文化隔閡而導致之教養困境，皆間接影響下一代子女的教育問題。 本研究旨在探究文化衝擊下，外籍配偶教養經驗之內涵與其調適歷程。採個案敘說研究取向，透過訪談一位來台十年、已育有三位子女之印尼客家籍外籍配偶，以敘事文體呈現外籍配偶過往之受教經驗、來台後歷經的教養遭遇並闡述其所持有之「原罪」與「愛必管教 」的教養觀。最後，本文參照家庭生命週期觀點與Anderson遷移者教養子女歷程論，進一步闡明外籍配偶在歷經跨文化衝擊下，獨特的「調整與修正」之教養現象與其教養圖像之形塑歷程。 / Getting married with foreign brides becomes more and more common in Taiwan now. The term, “Foreign Spouse”, has represented another new emerging group. However, most of the families with foreign spouses are in low social and economic status and the culture difference also forms a barrier to children’s education. These factors indirectly influence the education of next generation. The purpose of this research is to discuss the experience of how a foreign spouse educates and nurtures her children and the process of how a foreign spouse adjusts herself to overcome culture difference. This research applies case studies to interview an Indonesian foreign spouse, who has been married in Taiwan for over ten years and has three lovely children. This paper describes the case study as a story. It includes the education background of the foreign spouse and the experience of educating and nurturing children after she came to Taiwan. In addition, the story goes further to explain a very special point of view of education and nurture, which the foreign spouse in this case study possess. That is “the original crime” and “love to teach”. Finally, this paper refers to the viewpoint of life cycle of a family and the Anderson’s theory of a migrant’s educates and nurtures the children, and further explains the unique phenomenon and model of nurture and education, “the Adjustment and Modification”, that a foreign spouse has under the impact of culture difference.

這是本第一人稱敘事的論文，研究者帶著「青少年哲學教學如何可能？如何進行？如何在行動中形構課程？」的研究意圖投身另類教育現場－北市自主學習實驗計畫－由實習教師、兼任教師、專職教師暨導師，歷時凡五年，往來於教學與研究的雙重場域。教育現場提供「微觀」取向的見解與經驗；而教育理論、哲學等理論框架的研究者背景對教學信念與舉措起著指導作用，同時因「敘說」的學習及實驗計畫提供的滋養，提昇教師專業並轉化研究歷程，自我也有所蛻變。 　　是以進入論文書寫階段便超越原先研究目的，更且涵蓋：課堂如何成為參與者的心智、情意活動的平台？學習者如何超越、跨出課堂？課堂以外的諸般條件此間如何作用？面對師生關係的覺察與種種行動體驗，如何形構由教師發聲的哲學？以上種種且於反思回觀後企圖做「可普遍化」的談論，並公開教師知識，以為意者參照。 　　研究進路為質性研究方法中的生命傳記敘說取向，文本採集使用Fritz Schütze開展的敘述訪談法，訪談就讀實驗計畫期間參與研究者開設之哲學課與寫作課的兩個案例(其中一人現就讀外轉公立高中，另一仍就讀實驗計畫)，並且同時訪談其家長(本研究皆為母親)敘說文本，作為家庭生活與學校生活的參照。資料分析以Rainer Kokemohr的參照推論分析為主軸，輔以 F.Schütze、Moustakas並借用Bruner和Lévi-Strauss的見解。同時研究者的相關研究紀錄與學生作品亦是重要資料。由學生文本、家長文本與教師紀錄、蒐集的現場資料，構成了詮釋現象和形構理論的三角。 　　研究結果發現敘說可作為課堂「橫向聯繫」的滋養與方法，有助於知識、技能的學習、更且聯繫學習社群的各個參與者；而對參與者的想像因敘說生命故事與家族治療的影響，將個體的「我」看作帶著家庭、文化充滿故事的生命體，而這生命有著「父-母-子」的三角結構。本研究發生的場域－青少年哲學人文的課堂－藉「外化」的作用，透過創作達致思辨，在Logos和Mnemosyne(=memory)兩面向上相輔相成，而敘說可作為創作的幫助，並且也是促成外化作用生發的一種方式。研究建議，青少年哲學、寫作等課堂可觀照討論內容與課題(theme)、進行方式和探究團體的形成。 　　在互為閱聽的學校課堂中，生命得而賦權，並增加「邂逅」的機會，從而得獲教育，生命因之蛻變。教師便是形構邂逅場域的人，預設邂逅可能條件的關鍵；他的權威用以增進聯結，並在倫理上應自我取消，而形構邂逅場域的重要能力之一，便是造型力。 　　邂逅場域的形成，正可作為學校存在的特徵、價值和經營方向，而另類教育、另類學校的存在，正是提供不同邂逅的可能條件。正如身為教師的研究者得而開展迥異於體制教育的青少年哲學與寫作課程，適可作為教育典範的競逐參照，另類教育承諾了不同的教育希望，而研究者對自身生命史與論文寫作時的教師角色和研究者角色的選擇與反思，亦可作為進行教師行動研究的參考。

藉著聆聽教師的敘說，我研究的主要目的在於理解教師專業認同的歷程，及此歷程所彰顯的意義世界。以Mead談論的自我概念作為基礎，我認為教師專業認同的概念是一發展性的歷程，而不將其視為本質、本體或範疇。此外，個人的認同歷程在敘說中展現也是我所強調的另一個重點，也就是說，個人在向聽者敘說裡頭展現其生命經驗，而聽者得以藉著語言的力量理解敘說者的生命經驗。奠基於此，研究者（我）才得以理解教師（受訪者）的敘說。 我採用「教育學傳記研究」作為研究取向，並以德國學者Fritz Schütz發展的「敘述訪談」作為資料採取工具，蒐集而來的資料即是我所謂的「文本」或「故事」。訪談的對象是小卉 -- 一位成為國小教師五年左右、服務兩所學校的初任教師。訪談結果在轉錄成逐字稿後，依據Schütz所提出的文本分析流程進行文本結構描述，並嘗試詮釋以析出故事抽象概念。 經過文本結構描述和分析，逐漸呈現「選擇」、「在比較中了解自己」以及「愛與被愛」的教師故事圖像。然而，我並未只是停留在故事詮釋的階段，而更進一步和其它教師敘說進行對話，其目的在於企圖呈現「我們如何看待教師故事、發聲」的議題。最後，我反思本研究的價值以及教育學傳記研究的意義。 / The purpose of my research is mainly to understand the process of a teacher’s professional identity by listening teacher’s narrative. Also, I attempt to explore the meanings represented by this process. Based on Mead’s concept of self, I argued that the attribute of teacher’s professional identity might be better viewed as a developing process than essences, substances or categories. Furthermore, one’s identity process revealing from narrative is other key point in my study. That is to say, one displays his or her life experiences with a narrative to listener, and then the listener understands the experiences through the power of language. Therefore, according to the above-mentioned methodological basis, I (researcher) could make sense of the teacher’s (interviewee) narrative. I adopt ”Biographic Research in Pedagogy” as my research approach, and collected raw data called “text” or “story” with “Narrative Interview” developed by Fritz Schütz, a Germany sociologist. After interviewing the first teacher, Little-hui, who just has been working about five years in two elementary schools, I followed Schütz’s procedures of text-analysis to describe the structure of the text and attempt to catch abstract concepts in hui’s story. After the process of structure description and interpret, “choosing”,”knowing self by comparing with peers”, and “to love and to be loved” gradually showed up to be images of Little-hui’s story. However, I didn’t stay right in the position of story-interpreting. Moreover, I situated these images a dialogue with another inquires of teachers’ narratives, and attempted to raise the issue of “how have teachers’ stories, voices, or narratives been viewed and treated in the context” for discussion. At the end, I reflected on the value of this research and the meaning of “Biography Research in Pedagogy.”